At first it comes in spurts, fire flies popping in and out spreading through the dark, sending you running with a mason jar, darting from flicker to flicker - hoping to catch lightening in a bottle.
And then finally, something breaks and the real movement begins. And it's like emerging from a fog, feeling your mind slowly pushing itself through the remnants of pregnancy haze. Clarity, after months of unfocused clutter and pregnancy-induced ADD. This is wonderful - my first glimpse of white-sunlight after the rain. Thoughts strung neatly together, moving smoothly from one to the next, losing little in between. It's brilliant.
Now, if only I had the physical energy to sit here at the computer and utilize my new found mental powers for good. To complete past-due homework assignments and set to writing new stories for my rapidly approaching thesis deadline.
If only I didn't spend my (limited) energy chasing after soiled diapers and washing crib sheets and toddlers bottoms and battling for naptime.
Of course, if I didn't spend my energy doing any of those things, where would my inspiration come from? Sitting in an office-pen for eight hours, clicking my life away online on the company dime? I think not.
So, it's a catch-22. I'm inspired, yet exhausted. But tomorrow is another day...and there is always coffee.
And then finally, something breaks and the real movement begins. And it's like emerging from a fog, feeling your mind slowly pushing itself through the remnants of pregnancy haze. Clarity, after months of unfocused clutter and pregnancy-induced ADD. This is wonderful - my first glimpse of white-sunlight after the rain. Thoughts strung neatly together, moving smoothly from one to the next, losing little in between. It's brilliant.
Now, if only I had the physical energy to sit here at the computer and utilize my new found mental powers for good. To complete past-due homework assignments and set to writing new stories for my rapidly approaching thesis deadline.
If only I didn't spend my (limited) energy chasing after soiled diapers and washing crib sheets and toddlers bottoms and battling for naptime.
Of course, if I didn't spend my energy doing any of those things, where would my inspiration come from? Sitting in an office-pen for eight hours, clicking my life away online on the company dime? I think not.
So, it's a catch-22. I'm inspired, yet exhausted. But tomorrow is another day...and there is always coffee.
Labels: Writing Life
3 Comments:
I'm with you Mella and you state it well. It really is a difficult thing with small children to have the energy to do any thing extra, especially in the creativity department. I often look back on the day and wonder where all the time went and all I can often say is that I tried to keep Micah from screaming the walls down (he's a moody little guy these days) and changed lots of diapers as you say. But I'm with you that I wouldn't change things (No other job in life has the eternal rewards/investment value of being a devoted parent) but I definitely would like to learn how to fit more writing into my schedule. I'd like to know how you find the time to do all your creative writing for school with two little ones! You're an inspiration!
Drop yourself a few crumbs, so you can find your way next time.
There is coffee now? REAL coffee? Another plus!
And at least you write beautifully about not having the time or energy left to write.
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