Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Then, Now and Again
Before this, my shirts were coffee-speckled and I wore stickers beside my eye. I sifted through lazy afternoons like this like they weren't a limited commodity - one that could pass away, or become fleeting and rare and always an occasion.

I frothed milk and pumped espresso for a living. I smiled often and wore t-shirts with innocent words stretched across my breasts - Only in Bellingham. Got great tips.

Today, it's nearly four-thirty in the afternoon and I'm waddling - t-shirt and sweatpants, haven't bothered with a bra. Waiting, without sparkles or stickers or coffee, for the time to arrive. This is now.

A week from now, I'll be different yet again. If I'm still with-child on my due date, they're bringing me in to break my water and I'll wash away again with the tide.

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11 Comments:

Blogger zhoen said...

Yeah, but on good days, would you really trade?

Blogger david C said...

Expresso is highly over rated. More importantly, a child is an amazing accomplishment and all others pale in comparison.

Blogger Mella said...

Zhoen Oh, never. Absolutely not. The post was spurred by the contrast between myself today, a mom and mom-to-be-again and the me in a picture from my bookshelf, sitting in a sunlit cafe with my then boyfriend, now husband.

David I completely agree...although, I can't bring myself to diss espresso like that.

Blogger Susanna Rose said...

Can't wait to hear about your new little one! I hope she will come soon and the birth will be as painless as possible! By the way, I understand your feelings from the last post...sometimes on a really rough day with Micah, I think "what if it was just Rick and I again...maybe we should have waited a little longer to have a baby, etc." I can think this and I only have one. I guess it's not our feelings but what we do with them that really matters although I do definitely hate thinking negatively about having a child!

Blogger Mella said...

Susanna Thanks for that.I think all women, or all humans for that matter, have moments of what-if?

It's funny, I didn't realize that this post would come across as sounding as though I'd want to go back to where I was six years ago, it was more or less just an observation that I wound up typing into a post during a lazy naptime. It wasn't fueled by any yearning to go back to my pre-Mommy life.

As far as the delivery of Lila goes - she's due in less than a week now, and if she hasn't come on her own by her due date (which is the 1st), I'm going in that day to have my water broken. Whatever happens, a week from now, she'll be in the world and in my arms!

Blogger Darkmind said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

Blogger david C said...

Now a nice cappuccino? That is a different story.....

Blogger Mella said...

Darkmind You never cease to amaze me...

David Ha ha! I suppose I would say the same, except that I'm lactose-intolerant...so straight up espresso it is.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Mella,

I didn't read the post as wishful for days gone by thinking at all. More of a wistful awareness of how many stages we pass through and how each stage forms and changes us.

Best wishes for your delivery!

Blogger Mella said...

Thank you, Lauri ~ I only wish I was already done with the whole delivery ordeal while typing this.

Just a few more days to go...

Blogger zhoen said...

Hope all is well, and all are well.

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