Sunday, April 09, 2006
Vacation...ish
For the past week we've been staying at my inlaws house while they are off in Illinois visiting with "the other" grandkids. It's been lazy and wonderful living in a space by ourselves. Not only that, but in such a clean and uncluttered space. My inlaws lost their home two years ago in a fire and the result of their nine months of homelessness is this beautiful replacement house, complete with an entire new family room and central air and an electrical system that is up to code.

I like to imagine that our few months of being homeless will lead us to such a treasure. Although, at this point, I would take a two bedroom wood-paneled trailor or even a really nice tent. Maybe one with little zippered flap-like windows.

The Boss and I have settled into a comfortable schedule here. And I am convinced more than ever that he might actually be the most perfect child ever created (although, I request that this post not be used against me in the future...especially as he grows ever closer to the terrible two's.)

He's learning constantly at this stage. Everything interests him. The screen door. The dog barking across the street. The carton of milk that I've rinsed and set on the counter. The wash cloth that I use to wipe his tray. The ceiling fan. The children playing soccer in the street. The old man sitting in a lawn chair as we pass by on our stroll. And he talks to everything and everyone. He's quite the conversationalist. (If only it was English he was speaking.)

Despite being on 'vacation', I've been having difficulty sleeping. We're beyond the 10 week mark now, entering territory not seen since I was pregnant with The Boss. And I'm nervous. Up at night, reading slowly through a mediocre book in hopes of falling asleep from boredom rather than laying awake and listening to the pounding of my heart and trying to make sense of the the swirling worries in my mind.

A new semester is drawing nearer on the horizon.
Homelessness.
Motherhood.
Writings.
And always, hoping to hear more heartbeats.


4 Comments:

Blogger Phx said...

My heart is going out to you Mella... the same swirl of dark invades me, too. On some level, I'm in the same place. (I'm in week 26.) Hang in there. I wish you many sunny days and sleep-filled nights.

Blogger Katie said...

Oh Mella, I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I know the tragedies that you have been through in the past but something tells me that this time your "boss" is going to get a little brother or sister. It is so hard not to replay scenarios in the mind, the mind that can be our worst enemy or best friend. But try and fill your mind with the good, think about the boss now and all his exploring and wonderment of life. Enjoy having your own house for a while, rest, and know that others are thinking of you and keeping you in our prayers. You truly are a kind soul. Be well and take care :)

Blogger LJ said...

Hey. That wasn't a bad little piece for a stressed, anxious insomniac, you know.
Whose (by the way)hormones are doing the Crazy Dance.
Glad to see you back with a couple new entries.
And everything changes. This stage of things will too.
You know, if you just go with it...stop worrying that you should read better material, go to bed on time, write more, (continue the list for yourself - and I'm sure it's long)...if you just let yourself be how you are now, things will move on faster.
Pushing creates resistance.
Wish you well, sweetie.

Blogger Mella said...

Phx Congratulations on your upcoming little bundle! I'm so envious that you're so much closer to being done with the whole "pregnancy" thing. I'm truly not a fan...but that's another post entirely. I've heard that insomnia can be a symptom during the first trimester - I didn't have it with my first, but I'm hoping that it's the root of my problems this time around.

A girl It's so good to hear that people think everything's going to be ok "this time around" - it really is. Aside from my mother, everyone was still holding their breath last time, but I think most people feel as though we're going to make it through this one. It's just a matter of trusting in that, I suppose.

LJ Thanks so much. A while back, I meant to comment on your site, about how I'd rather read an entry of yours written in your "calm" state - than most other people's "inspired" writings...but somehow between here and there, I never got around to it.

And yes, my hormones are doing the crazy dance...just as my husband. Poor fella.

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