Wednesday, March 22, 2006
Boo
In response to LJ's gentle nudge (Ok, Mella where ARE you?), I suppose it's time to pull back the covers on this blog-thing and see what unfolds. I've been here yet not for weeks now. Going on a month. Not only here, this small sliver of blogdom where I hide spectacularly ordinary tidbits of my days, but everywhere. Dishes have been left to my husband. The Boss has been tugging harder and harder at my sleeves and pants, desperate to pull me down from the couch. My inbox has been filling daily, read (mostly), but rarely responded to. My cellphone hasn't been charged in weeks.

I've been absent. Moreso, absentminded.

It's not that I haven't been inspired (often), or that I haven't been going through the motions of socializing and cooking and revising stories and enjoying life - it's just that there's been too much I've been unable to say. And, since I have eschewed the luxury of anonymity here, I simply stopped. I thought I would step away until I could return completely open, rather than focus my (limited) energies on carefully constructing little entries about the things floating in my periphery.

Like how my son has become increasingly independant, and an avid climber. He wrestles from my hugs in favor of chasing after the cat with a ball, or to climb on top of his toychest and bang on the windows, (terrorizing the birds nibbling on the feeder.) But just as I start to feel dejected and unwanted, he'll toddle over with an outstretched hand and a twisted look on his face, tug on my pants and push whatever unwanted thing he's put in his mouth out for me to take care of. And I do, gladly, wipe the stale cheerio or mushy cracker from his lips, so happy to still be needed.

Life's been like that for the past few wordless weeks. Little moments lurking around this larger, unspoken lifeforce.

Tomorrow we go to see if this lifeforce has a heartbeat of it's own. And then, whatever the outcome, I'll be able to breath (and write) easier.

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12 Comments:

Blogger Real-E said...

Writer's block and our children making statements that we could never find a suitable syntax to verbalise - I hear you!

Blogger mreddie said...

Wow, I think I understand why you have been somewhat absent - let us know about the outcome. Here is hope of hope on a favorable outcome. ec

Blogger Skye said...

Glad to "see" you, Mella. Best of luck today.

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

Mella,

Your style/prose is, simply, astounding.

Peace

Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Mella,

I have missed you. Hope this is a wonderful day for you.

Junie

Miss Mella!

Ohhhhhh... my prayers are flying your way!!!
Peace and strength to you. You're just amazing!

*hugs*

Blogger windowtomymind said...

A flicker of spirit, resilience underneath.

Blogger LJ said...

Just wanted to let you know I noticed the absence. Everyone is entitled to time away. But also entitled to know that people miss your entries, your writing.
Not just me, apparently.
No surprise.

Blogger Katie said...

Mella, glad to hear your voice again. And though I am clearly not the first to say it, I'll say it anyway - you were definetely missed. I now understand a bit the reason why you were away and I hope that you hear soon only good things. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. And know too, that no matter how old and bossy your Boss gets, he will always need his Mama :)

Blogger Mella said...

Thank you so much everyone. I've missed writing (and my daily, although mostly commentless, trips to most of your blogs as well.)

Thank you. Thank you.

Blogger zhoen said...

Conserving energy, the occasional need to dam the flow.

Blogger Neo said...

Mella - Don't worry. It'll come back to you. It happens sometimes, and it's nothing to worry about. Life gets in the way of the creative process sometimes. And you my friend are too good to lose heart. Hang in there. You'll be back kicking it soon. :)

Have a great weekend.

Peace & Hugs,

- Neo

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