I've been having a sense of impending doom for over a week now. Passing this "milestone" week, I've been up late, for any reason I can manage. Bland television. A boring book. Getting dinner ready for the next day. Playing lengthy game of cards with an exhausted husband. Anything to avoid bedtime.
I'm doing it right now. It's almost one, our friends have just left for their hour long journey home and my husband will be waking to our alarm in less than six hours. I need to be sleeping. My son needs me to be sleeping so that I'm not a sloppy, cranky, lump on the couch when he wants to play in the morning. The early-early morning.
And the thing is, tonight, I'm not feeling so dark. So scared. I'm not even feeling as worried as I have been. I've simply become a creature of habit to this cycle of self-induced insomnia.
I'm doing it right now. It's almost one, our friends have just left for their hour long journey home and my husband will be waking to our alarm in less than six hours. I need to be sleeping. My son needs me to be sleeping so that I'm not a sloppy, cranky, lump on the couch when he wants to play in the morning. The early-early morning.
And the thing is, tonight, I'm not feeling so dark. So scared. I'm not even feeling as worried as I have been. I've simply become a creature of habit to this cycle of self-induced insomnia.
5 Comments:
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Mella,
My thoughts are with you every day!
Hang in there!
Junie
Darkmind A practicing insomniac, 'eh? Very interesting...I suppose that halucinations couldn't hurt the writing process either.
Junie Thanks, you're such a sweetheart.
My friends and I call that FOIDS...Feeling of Impending Doom Syndrome. I know it well.
At the risk of sounding like Ms. Fixit, which is not my intention, I find it helpful to be outside as much as possible during the day. Esp this time of year. Not only does it do something to your body chemistry to help you sleep better, but sometimes I get bursts of optimism and inspiration and gratitude just by taking in a view. :)
Teri I think my lack of outdoor exposure was playing a role in my insomnia/feeling of impending doom. The weather here was absolutely abysmal last week - Gray, windy, rainy - it even snowed. This week has been much more Spring-like and I've been sure to spend as much of it outside as possible!
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