Tuesday, February 21, 2006
An Open Letter to the People at My Gym
To the two girls lounging on the hip abductor machines: While I'm sure your weekends were exciting and that your boyfriend did get the craziest tattoo on his forearm - I do not pay a monthly fee to listen to you chatter to each other, while lounging motionless on a machine I'd like to be using to abduct my hips (or whatever it does.)

To the woman walking on the treadmill beside mine: I see you when you oh-so-nonchalantly glance over to read how fast I'm going or how many calories I've burned.

To the random lady in the locker room: You seem nice enough, but please, stop talking to me about how you just survived not one, but two classes and how your back is itching (Does sweat make your back itchy?) once I've closed the door to the bathroom stall. Conversations with strangers should cease when the stall door is closed.

To the man oogling my chest while I was doing the Pectoral Fly: Please. Stop.

To the members at large: While I do admire your confidence in wardrobe choices, you might enjoy learning that squeezing yourself into lycra or spandex is not actually a requirement of membership.


Signed,
Mella
Who-just-spent-an-hour-trying-to-do-a-gym-routine-that-normally-takes-thirty-minutes-and-is-now-a-tad-cranky.

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9 Comments:

Blogger Patrick said...

i think the calorie glancer is the worst.

Blogger mreddie said...

At our gym I only use a couple of the machines and do most of my workout up on the walking track. Either place I am in the loose T-shirts and pants - nothing fashionable here - just whatever doesn't chafe. :) ec

Blogger TrappedInColorado said...

How funny! I work out 4-5 times a week and while no one oogles my breasts while doing some excercises the chatty chicks on the machines are frustrating. And is there anything worse than them not wiping down the machines after use?

You can check my machine read outs anytime! ;)

Peace

Blogger Katie said...

Mella, I love this post! Almost every person attending a gym has experienced these things at one time or another unless they happen to be one of the charachters in the letter. Funny how we can all go to a million different gyms around the world and yet the same people can be found in all of them. The same personality just in many different shapes and sizes. Great writing, even when you are humorous there is this truth and purity that shines through.

Blogger szerin said...

Mella, annoying huh.. :p Life's like that, ppl's like that.. guess u'll just have to... ignore them!

So does this mean I shouldn't wear my purple leotard anymore???

LOL... very nice post...

Blogger MuseTigerBrooke said...

Man, those places are meat markets... it drives me nuts too... <3

Blogger windowtomymind said...

Next time, just grace the gym members with your beautiful Mona Lisa smile, and watch them melt as brush strokes into your composition.

Blogger MER said...

This is hilarious

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