Friday, February 17, 2006
Broken
We've long been broken. Our words are delicately curled wisps of breath, spit out across thin ice and afraid.

Or we don't talk at all.

Once we were hooked elbows and laughter through city streets - and our words were power. Fire. And we sat in smoke and watched them burn. We drove miles for good jazz. We dreamt poetry, theater, music, travel.

Now, we no longer exist, though his fingerprints remain on my heart.

I broke us. In a moment. In a week of moments. A month. In the time it took for
his hand to hold mine, I dropped my dearest friend and sent cracks through our smoothness, our shell. Killed what was inside.

Years have passed. Lifetimes. I've learned to find the beauty in brokenness. That the shattering of a shell, brings forth life. That the cracking of ice, signals the coursing of life pushing below. I've found beauty in broken glass; the shards curve sunlight differently, sending it shooting in new angles. I've found beauty in weathered relationships - that friendship is meant to ebb and flow, and that life is meant to be filled with both the present spectacular and the ashes of our past.

But the rubble of our friendship remains constant. A pile of smooth stones, I can run my hands over and smile. Moments of us. I've yet to piece these remnants into something as good as the original.

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6 Comments:

Blogger ~Deb said...

Very powerful post. If it weren't for my awful break up I went through, I would have never published a book I wrote. Sometimes a break of a relationship can produce a positive outcome. It's all how you look at it. Hindsight is 20/20 sometimes ...

Very well written post and thought provoking. Thanks for sharing this Mella!

Blogger Mella said...

deb I agree, hind sight is 20/20, and there are wonderful things to be gleaned from our experiences, both good and bad.

In a sense, I think it would've been easier to let our friendship go if he and I had been romantically involved. Then, it would've been neatly filed away in the category of lost love.

Blogger Cez said...

Just stumbled upon your blog. Nicely written. Thanks for sharing it to world.

Blogger mreddie said...

There are a few smooth stones that come to mind occasionally, but nothing compared to the past and present with my beloved one and only that joined with me for a lifetime on June 2nd, 1963. ec

Blogger Mella said...

MrEddie, that's such a sweet sentiment. And I feel the same about my husband and I - my best friend and confidant. I hope to be holding his hand and sharing the same sentiment with him 40 years from now.

I think that this post could've easily been written about a friendship of either gender, as there was never, on my part, romantic feelings.

Even though greater and more important relationships have come to be, I still find myself pausing to reflect on those I've lost. Especially if I hurt someone by pulling away.

Blogger laura said...

just stumbled in ... WOW! This post grabbed my gut and twisted. Very, very powerful. I enjoyed it very much.

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