My children aren't home.
This is the second week that I'll have two nights home without them, so that my mother-in-law can babysit and I can work for four hours a day for a paycheck that is still not enough to keep us afloat.
It feels a little like failure, not having my children with me, and not making enough for it to be worth it.
Yet, with the way my heart hurts tonight, with the way that I'm missing the smell of their little heads and the feeling of their arms around my neck, I wonder if any amount of money is worth it.
This is the second week that I'll have two nights home without them, so that my mother-in-law can babysit and I can work for four hours a day for a paycheck that is still not enough to keep us afloat.
It feels a little like failure, not having my children with me, and not making enough for it to be worth it.
Yet, with the way my heart hurts tonight, with the way that I'm missing the smell of their little heads and the feeling of their arms around my neck, I wonder if any amount of money is worth it.
1 Comments:
Oh Mella... I hope they are home, soon.
Funny how jobs become so unrewarding, even in the face of financial troubles, when it means missing out on time with our little ones. Someone should mention this switch we'll feel when we are preparing for a career in school. Although, having a career that can be followed and enjoyed, even if it's only part time (like writing (you) & editing (me)) amidst being with the kiddos is a lucky thing. :)
Sometimes I feel so guilty that I'm not working full-time (as I watch our debt slowly increase) but then I spend a few hours editing, and even though I enjoy it, it tears at me to have to be apart and in some cases ignore my kids (and let their dad take over completely so i can get my work done in the time my employers expect of me).
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