Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Since it's nearing midnight and I'm up with the chills/running nose/aches/sore throat evil virus that won't let me sleep easily (I belong on a Nyquil ad) - I thought I'd attempt a mindless meme. Something to jog the 'ol brain. This is one that I've seen around in a couple of different variations - most recently, I spied it over at Darkmind's page. Thought I'd give it a go...though I don't think I'm quite strange enough to hold much interest.

Six "Strange" Things About Mella:

1. I was once fired for stealing a kiwi. In high school, I worked at Victory Supermarkets, wearing a bright blue blazer and crisp red bowtie I scanned smalltown people's groceries through the check out lane after school and on weekends. The day of the Kiwi was a particularly busy one at the 'ol market - so busy that the manager on duty requested that I take my lunch break as quickly as possible (re: pay for the lunch that I was buying after my break, when the lines died down. ) So, I got my lunch together, slices of turkey and some rolls, a York Peppermint patty and two kiwi's and settled into the bright green break room to eat.

Turns out there was a "Victory Cop" on duty that day - thin, rat looking guy, with a trucker cap and slicked hair. He came in, not after me, but after the produce employee that he'd been eyeing all morning who made the mistake of taking a cucumber with him into the breakroom - without paying for it. I was an afterthought - he stopped by to explain to me what was going on, produce man in his grips, when he realized that he hadn't asked to see my receipts. At this point, all that remained of my lunch was a single kiwi, for which I had no receipt.

Long story short - I showed Rat-Cop the upc codes I'd peeled from each of my purchases (for scanning after lunch) and explained that I'd been told to eat first, pay later - but the MOD denied everything (wouldn't want to go against store policy, you know, telling employees to pay after eating) and I was canned. It was the first and only time I've hyperventilated. Breathing into a brown bag really does help.

2. When I was little, I used to draw pictures of hands with long colored nails and fancy rings, and cut them out to play with like paper dolls. I also used to stash my Barbie dolls in the crack between my bed and the wall - I'd take them out after lights out and put on shows - sort of like soap opera's. The dolls weren't necessarily clothed, but that didn't seem to matter. It was all about the storytelling.

3. I flex my abdomen everytime I'm riding in a car - like doing a perpetual crunch. Somehow it makes me feel better about sitting still for the ride...like I'm toning or burning calories or something.

4. My husband is the only person I've slept with. And, this is probably the strangest thing about me for some people, he's the only person I've ever actually wanted to sleep with. Even if I didn't live by the Christian moral compass that I try to, no one ever really did it for me, 'till him. Having said that, I did do my share of searching - kissing frogs, so to speak - looking for what all the fuss was about, and I would probably have been considered a tease had most of the guys not genuinely respected me.

5. I've had hepatitis and Mono and lice all at the same time. Big glands, yellow eyes and snowdrifts of dandruff from scratching at those little buggers. If that doesn't say attractive, I don't know what does. Ah, Romania...good times.

6. As an eight year old, I was convinced that I was either going to start a professional basketball league for women (and be the first star in it) or be a published author. Unfortunately, someone beat me to the WNBA (and I stopped growing at 5'5), and that leaves us here - evil-virus infected at midnight and procrastinating when I should really be working on that whole second aspiration.



Blogger Darkmind said...

When I saw that you had mentioned me on your blog, I was a bit surprised and flattered. And when you began your strange list with a pseudo-criminal history (GASP!!) my heart melted! And that's saying something-stone has such a high melting point...

Blogger Mella said...

The kiwi incident was probably one of the most traumatic things I've lived through - because I've always been the "good" girl. Having someone accuse me of theft was quite a shock to my system. Never fear though - the story doesn't end with me blowing into a brown bag...my father went in and laid into the gaurd (who responded by cursing him out in front of a line of customers), then he wrote to the owner's of the supermarket chain and not only did my name get cleared, but Ratman was suspended for a few weeks without pay.

Blogger Darkmind said...

Oh well...I guess it all turned out fine then. Tell evil virus I said HI!

Blogger LJ said...

The "theft" incident and good old number five are two of the best emotional experiences you could have.
Talk about learning humility, empathy for the wrongly accused, and learning how little actual control we have!
Who was it who said that the best thing that could happen to a writer was a bad childhood? I'd say a bad anything expands the range enormously and we don't even have to look - the universe just sends! I think that second aspiration is pretty realistic, Mella. You lucky virus-ridden girl!

Blogger Teri said...

I hope you feel better soon. I've been sick since early December - I feel your pain!

Blogger dillyweed said...

my comment in the next post was supposed to go up here. oopsy.

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