Thursday, October 13, 2005
I am my mother's daughter. A worrier.

I worry about normal things: Did I remember to pay my bills? Did I turn off the stove?

I worry about friends and family: Did my husband make it to work ok in the storm? Is my friends husband lonely now that she's taken the children and left him in that house?

I worry about silly things: will this fat free, no sugar added muffin impact my waistline?

Lately, I worry about scary things, like
will I see red today?

And last night, as I attempted to seduce slumber - I worried about her. She's an average height, average weight, African American woman. She's not someone who you would notice as you bumped shoulders on a subway or shuffled past her on a sidewalk. But if you are lucky enough to catch her eye, you might see it. And if you listen to her speak, you will know it. She is amazing. And next semester, AJ is going to be my faculty mentor.

She was my first choice. I skimmed the list of other authors and professors, but it was a formality. AJ was the one that I wanted. She is challenging. She isn't a pat-your-back professor. She's going to push me. For the past two semesters' I have slid by, writing when it suited me (and when the husband and baby allowed.) I have worked with wonderfully warm and witty women who are both accomplished authors, but who have also, well, given me some slack; and lots of pats on the back. AJ is a single mother who runs her own company and teaches alongside Toni Morrison at Princeton…I don't think she knows the meaning of the word slack.

And that is why I'm worried.

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I feel bad.... because I rushed to read about grace before I came here to read about you.

Congratulations, you! I'll be thinking of you, and praying.... NO RED! Meanwhile, in a way I do envy the whole little boy snuggled into you phase, while it must be more than exhausting for you.

And wow... for AJ! I'm glad your being all brave, and wanting to be pushed, rather than patted. Growing hurts, I guess... but it's always worth it.

Be well...

Remember that you can always rely on you husband for the support you need.

Blogger LJ said...

Good Mella. This is GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.
This is, in fact, WONDERFUL.
Congratulations for making the tough one your first choice!

Blogger Nopostonsundays said...

thats nothing. I am a complete perfectionist. I think they call it OCD now-adays.

I would spend my afternoon thinking of the best way to eat my Reese's buttercup cookie, my way.

That is, until I met my inner guru.

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