Thursday, November 15, 2007
What Happened
It's been a month now since I was here - children napping, typing away on the computer, juggling a game or two of scrabbulous between paragraphs - and then the phone rang, it was my husband, but he only gave me three words. Three words before hanging up, before I was on the floor, on my knees. Pray for me.

I prayed until I was reduced to repeating myself over and over like a skipping record. I paced around the house. I peeked in on my children. I called my mother. We prayed. She began pacing. The Boss began stirring and so I hung up the phone and smoothed my nerves and went to hug him and ask him what he'd like for lunch. Crustless sandwich? Ravioli? Something normal. Something to suggest that this was an ordinary day. That his father always calls to ask for prayer and then hangs up.

And so we left the bedroom together, The Boss and I, and walked into the kitchen and there was my husband in the living room. At lunchtime on a Monday. My husband with red-rimmed eyes and a look of disbelief. My husband, fired.

It's strange, how life can spin you around like that, shaking loose everything you'd held onto as secure. Strange how life can decide it's time for a change long before you're ready. Not that there's ever a time when a young family is prepared to have their provider stop, um, providing.

So, this past month I've had to accept that my part-time job(s) are now "official" jobs. That although neither of the jobs I have do anything more than pay (a few of the many) bills. Neither are things I would put on my resume. Neither are steps in my "career" - yet I'm trapped. Forty hours a week spent doing jobs that high school kids do during the summer, working for fresh-out-of-college supervisor's who are six years my junior.

Don't misread me. I am grateful that we already had something in place when this happened. That I only needed to up my hours, not find a job altogether. I'm grateful that my bosses do pay me better than the average employee. And I'm especially grateful that this whirlwind of stress didn't touch ground until after I finished grad school. For all of these things I am grateful. And for the work that I trust God is doing in all of this situation, I am grateful. I'm thanking him in advance for how He is going to use this as a force of good in my husband's life and career.

But yes, I'm stressed and tired and snippy and miserable whenever I have to leave my kids. And after only a few weeks of this, I can safely say that I'll be more than ready to relinquish the title of breadwinner to my husband whenever he is able to assume it.

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Blogger zhoen said...

Got to be the hardest trial. To feel rejected and inadequate, and have the people you most love suffer.

Hard on each, hard on all. You have my full heart pulling for you all. I am sorry.

T'aint fair.

Blogger Owlhaven said...

praying that the perfect job shows up for your husband very soon!

Hugs and prayers

Mary, mom to many

Blogger JunieRose2005 said...

Thinking of you and your family during this hard time...

Something good will come of this-just hang in there together and have faith.


Blogger Susanna Rose said...

Thanks for sharing this Mella! May your feel God's love and strength surrounding you in a special way during this difficult season.

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken."(Psalm 62:5,6)

Blogger godfreysmama said...

I began reading your blog through my friend dillyweed.
I have enjoyed your writing for months now.
Sorry to hear about all the changes going on in your life.
Praying that God provides the perfect job for your husband soon.

Blogger jiaying :) said...

We're all keeping you in our prayers too :) Have faith and keep on keeping on... we never know what God has in store for us. :)

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