Thursday, November 17, 2005
Leave it to Uma
Yesterday was the procedure; and I made it through the entire process without crying. Not that I wasn't sad, it's just that this is something I can't change, I can only accept. So, I took deep breaths and thought of the boss at home waiting for me.

I smiled and assured the nurse that it was ok that she had trouble with my veins and had to stick both arms with the IV needle. I politely laughed at the odd humor of the google-eyed man who came to have me sign a waiver before giving me my anesthetic. I woozily thanked the woman who wheeled me back from the operating room and I even gratefully thanked the nurse who unhooked my IV and explained to me that I'm O positive, and I should remember that.

Breath deeply. Think of happier things. Napping beside my son. The warmth of my husband's hand softly holding mine. Quiet moments of blue-gray light falling through the window early on Christmas mornings. Spring afternoons, lying beneath an arch of apple blossoms. My back pressed against a warm wooden dock; my legs dangling, toes dipping in cool water. Exhale.

Yes, I made it through the entire day without crying. Until late last night, laying on the couch, watching Kill Bill Volume II with my head resting on my husbands lap. Leave it to me to make it through an entire emotional day - dry eyed, only to be sobbing and reaching for the tissues while watching Uma Thurman kick butt.

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17 Comments:

Blogger LJ said...

We cry when we can. You were just getting through the rest. Thinking of you sweetie. Rest up. Hug the boss. Breathe.
love LJ

Blogger Crabby said...

Mella, I just stumbled upon your blog. I don't know what to say, but I am thinking of you.

Blogger mreddie said...

Well said LJ - and I echo the sentiment. ec

Life is so unfair - best wishes.

Blogger Stephaine said...

My deepest sympathy to you and your husband.

Blogger Loyal said...

My wife and I know your pain. Her better than me I am sure. We don't know you, but we wish you peace, comfort, and rest. Best wishes.

Blogger Brenton said...

Dear Mella,

I just stumbled across your blog. I am praying for you and your family. You seem like an incredibly strong and brave woman....praise God for that! I also wish you peace, comfort and rest...God Bless

Brenton

Blogger RainDropSoup said...

*hug* I've been through this, too, though not personally. Love will see you through it. <3

Blogger The Unknown said...

Terantino often makes me cry. Hugs to my newest red hot lover!
love

Blogger Janjan said...

God bless you, girl. I am so sorry.

Blogger Melissa said...

I'm so sorry. You're in my prayers.

Blogger Amy said...

The Next Blog Link sent me to you.

I will be praying for you and your recovery.

By the way, the boss sounds totally cool.

Blogger Morgan said...

I don't know you, but you sound amazing. Keep on keeping on.

I just stumbled onto your blog as well, I wish the best for you. I don't know you, but I send you hugs. Hugs always help, no matter what. Keep your head up girl, everthin' will be ok.

Blogger t1ernd0g said...

I wanted to say something earlier, but I didn't want to sound trite or to give you unwelcome advice. I can't emphasize with your family's pain, even though it touched me, so I said nothing.

Now I've decided you should have at least known that one more person out there was thinking of you and wishing I could do something. So, even though it's late, here it is.

Blogger TravelingMermaid said...

I know how personal a loss like this is. People say things that help and others say things that make you want to scream. If it's any consolation, just know you have sisters out there who have experienced your pain and made it through. Doesn't mean you'll forget - you never will. But you will go on, because you must.
My best wishes go out to you. Will bookmark this blog. :)

Blogger wilde_thought said...

Travelingmermaid said it well. And words are small, weak things when dealing with loss. Best wishes.

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